ushernet Chapter 198: There Has Never Been Such a Thing as Fame
Chapter 198: There Has Never Been Such a Thing as Fame
Chapter 198: There Has Never Been Such a Thing as Fame
The sky gradually darkened as Jiang He returned with two fishing rods and a large goose.
The goose was still alive, its beady little eyes fixed on Xu Qing in the living room.
Xu Qing’s head filled with question marks.
“Why does it smell so bad?”
Jiang He wrinkled her nose, set the fishing rods aside, and walked over with the goose in one hand. Then, she spotted the durian in Xu Qing’s hands and the suspicious residue at the corner of his mouth. Her expression suddenly became very complicated.
“Why are you carrying a goose? What were you doing all afternoon? Don’t tell me...”
A theory had already formed in Xu Qing’s mind.
Fishing—failed—snatched someone’s goose instead.
Jiang He was a seasoned angler by now.
“I bought it...” Jiang He glanced down at the goose, then at the clock in the living room. Feeling slightly disgusted, she covered her nose and mumbled, “Next time, I’ll come back earlier to cook.”@@@@
“It’s not late now either. I saved you something good...” Xu Qing pushed the half-eaten durian toward her.
Jiang He’s expression changed drastically, and she took several steps back.
Xu Qing licked his lips and explained, “This is called durian. It’s like stinky tofu—”
“Stop eating that!”
“...”
It took a great deal of effort to convince her that he wasn’t eating literal sh*t, but Xu Qing still couldn’t get Jiang He to take a bite.
He’d failed to scam a house today, but he did manage to snatch a durian from Xu Wenbin and the others. He had originally planned for Jiang He to enjoy it with him. Too bad.
Xu Qing had no choice but to finish it alone.
“You really didn’t just grab this from somewhere? Even if it’s free-range, someone still owns it. You should put it back.”
Jiang He was already boiling water, preparing to cook the goose. The poor bird had no idea what was happening, staring wide-eyed at Winter Melon the cat.
“I bought it. Some old lady at the market was selling it. It looked so pitiful, nobody wanted it, so I bought it.”
“What about the fish you caught?” Xu Qing was skeptical.
An angler coming home empty-handed but carrying a goose was highly suspicious.
“I caught a few and gave them to Pingping.”
“Pingping?”
“The Yogurt Girl. I went fishing with her, and she didn’t catch a single one, so I gave her all mine,” Jiang He called from the kitchen.
“How generous of you.”
That explained why she came back with two fishing rods. Xu Qing now believed she hadn’t stolen the goose.
If she had, she’d have been grinning ear to ear, bragging about her ‘trophy’ from hunting in the wild the moment she stepped inside.
“It was just a few. Not enough for us to eat anyway. She lives alone, so it’s just enough for one fried meal.” Jiang He rolled up her sleeves and lifted the goose from the floor. ????аNŏᛒÈᶊ
“Wait, are you going to kill it?” Xu Qing asked.
“What else?” Jiang He looked at him strangely, holding up the goose by the neck. “You planning to bite it to death?”
“...Fine. I was just wondering why, if you wanted to eat goose, you didn’t just buy a roasted one.”
There was a roast goose shop just a street away, its golden, glistening birds hanging in the window, available by the half or whole.
“I was going to buy a duck at first. Then I saw this one and remembered how you got chased by a goose when you were little, crying your eyes out...”
“My mom exaggerated. I was chased, but I didn’t cry,” Xu Qing corrected her seriously.
“Well, I suddenly felt like eating goose.”
Jiang He pinched its wing and suddenly shoved it toward Xu Qing’s face, amused when he instinctively leaned back. Then, she dragged it into the kitchen.
Xu Qing followed, leaning against the doorframe to watch.
Honestly, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t even know how to handle it. He’d probably just snap its neck and then look up instructions on Baidu.
Jiang He, on the other hand, seemed experienced. She placed a bowl on the counter, gripped the goose’s wing with her left hand, hooked one leg with her pinky, then used her index finger and thumb to secure its neck—all with one hand, effortlessly positioning it for slaughter.
“Need help—”
Before Xu Qing could finish, Jiang He grabbed a cleaver and made a swift cut across the goose’s throat. Blood gushed into the bowl as she pulled the head to the side.
“Help with what?” Jiang He glanced at him.
“...Nothing. Just be careful.”
Xu Qing watched as the goose struggled violently.
Poor thing...
“This is brutal.”
Shaking his head, he sighed. “Technically, I should be the one cutting while you stand at the door, clenching your fists and looking away...”
“You wanna do it?” Jiang He gestured toward the goose, blood still dripping.
“...Forget it.”
Xu Qing waved her off, admitting defeat. Jiang He was clearly leagues ahead of him when it came to handling live poultry.
She’d probably hunted wild chickens and ducks for fun before, her darts flying like bullets.
He pulled out his phone to check Baidu and then reminded her, “Don’t throw out the blood.”
Traditional Chinese medicine says goose blood is neutral in nature, salty, and non-toxic. It benefits the heart, liver, and stomach, detoxifies, softens masses, improves circulation, boosts energy, and even helps prevent cancer.
“You’re the brutal one,” Jiang He muttered under her breath.
Once enough blood had been drained, she called Xu Qing over to pour hot water into a tub. Then, she dunked the goose in to loosen its feathers.
Plucking a goose wasn’t like plucking a chicken—it was much bigger. They wouldn’t be able to eat it all in one sitting. Jiang He only used half, cutting it into chunks and blanching them. Then, following an online recipe, she heated oil, caramelized some sugar, and added ginger, pepper, star anise, cooking wine, and other seasonings...
"If I say east, she wouldn’t dare go west."
"This is called... the Family Hierarchy."
"Wife, give me a kiss."
Jiang He: "Get lost!"
"Arguing? We just fight directly."
"First train the waist, power starts from the ground, flows through the legs, reaches the shoulders, elbows, and wrists."
...The f***?
Xu Qing didn't know whether to be impressed by how accurately it was edited or to be annoyed.
There he was, pulling off Twin Peaks Strike the Ears, getting "punished" to stand still—looking like a proper martial arts master—only for Jiang He to call him "too weak" with a deadpan face.
"How did this even get on the front page?" Xu Qing clicked around with the mouse.
"It was already there when I opened the app."
Jiang He was thoroughly enjoying herself. "It’s funny. You look so strong outside, but when you get home, you’re just weak."
"It’s not ‘look like’—that’s exactly how it is."
"..."
"It’s over. My lifelong reputation is ruined." Xu Qing ruffled his hair. His phone started blowing up with notifications. He glanced at the screen.
Wang Zijun: "HAHAHAHAHA!"
Wang Zijun: "Video share."
In another group chat, over 99+ messages had already flooded in—most of them were just screenshots of him "being too weak." Qin Hao was home bored and had sent the most messages.
"Looks like we..." Xu Qing clicked on Jiang He’s profile. The view count on her old livestream recordings had skyrocketed. "...we might’ve gone viral."
"Who?" Jiang He asked.
"Okay... fine. I might’ve gone viral." Xu Qing checked his main account. His video on making chainmail had also gained a ton of views.
Local martial artist. Tiger Madman Fist. Likes messing with armor. A good Samaritan. Helps fight crime while out for a stroll.
This was his new public image.
Luck was called luck because you never knew when it would strike—or in what form.
"This is a good thing, right?" Jiang He guessed. It didn’t seem like there was any downside. More views meant more exposure, which meant Xu Qing would be more famous.
"I guess..." Xu Qing scratched his head. "For now, yeah, it’s a good thing."
A martial arts master who takes down armed criminals outside but gets completely bossed around at home.
That was the narrative this meme edit was pushing, and clearly, the internet was eating it up.
"But, I’m a little worried..."
Bzzz—Bzzz—Bzzz—
His phone vibrated non-stop.
Xu Qing spread his hands. "There it is. That’s what I was worried about."
"What the hell is this ‘Tiger Madman Fist’?!"
As soon as he answered the call, Xu Wenbin got straight to the point.
"It’s just a joke. I told you earlier—I’ve been practicing a bit. If I hadn’t, I would’ve ended up in the hospital like Haozi that day."
"Then what’s the deal with you two?! I thought you were making videos, but she’s doing some—some kind of... what was it..."
Xu Wenbin struggled to recall the long list of technical jargon Jiang He had mentioned before.
Xu Qing: "Using a very large-scale integrated circuit microprocessor system to connect to a modem, which links to a server, enabling high-speed information exchange with other network users."
He rattled it off like a stand-up routine.
Xu Wenbin's head hurt. "Don’t give me that tech babble. What the hell is it?"
"Aiya, we’re just bored at home, playing games and stuff. And then I, uh... you know how it is."
"Know my ass!"
"Basically, we play games, practice martial arts, make armor, and earn a bit of pocket money. That video was fake, just taken out of context. No way I actually get bullied—"
"Who cares if you get bullied?! That’s not the point! I’m asking about this whole... whatever-the-hell-you’re doing!"
Xu Qing motioned for Jiang He to keep playing, then sat down to explain properly.
"Dad, I might actually be blowing up. Just wait till I make a few million, and you’ll be the father of a rich man..." His tone suddenly turned smug.
"Don’t give me that crap! You’re doing... what, streaming?"
"Yep." Seeing that he couldn’t dodge the question anymore, Xu Qing admitted it cleanly.
"Still trying to deny—wait, what did you just say?"
"We’re livestreaming martial arts and armor-making."
"...Oh."
Xu Wenbin paused for a few seconds.
"...Yeah, okay then."
"Yep, that’s right."
"...Alright."
"...Alright."
A brief silence. Then—
"Okay, I’m hanging up now."
...???